Christmas time

I won't say Merry Christmas because for some it has been, but maybe not for all.

Perhaps you know someone close to you with dementia, perhaps this is is your last Christmas with them, or your first Christmas without them. That's to say nothing of those who suffer from dementia themselves, perhaps unable to engage in the festivities.

For me, it's the first Christmas without Dad. Last Christmas he spent in hospital with a bout of pneumonia. Looking back, an eerie omen of the year to come even though it was a month before his formal diagnosis.

We spent time with Dad in the hospital

but he was noticeably absent from the table, the tree and the general goings on. This year (and I suspect for most Christmases going forward) his absence was less tangible. Maybe its too soon. Maybe its because (at least until our holiday in May) between us all we didn’t have enough conversations that this X could be the last X with Dad. All we could do last Christmas was to hope for his speedy return home, it didn’t enter our minds that it could be the last Christmas together.

But that I guess is the curse as well as the blessing of memory. Many of us cherish childhood memories of Christmas so fondly that we will never be able to recreate that magic and are doomed to even try.

For me as a parent of two boys, the eldest really starting to engage with Christmas it is tricky to build up those memories for years to come in an appropriate way, among the near-inescapable materialistic and calorific excesses of the season.

What do we do then?

For what its worth, I think we should remember those who have passed, or are passing in whatever way we can: say a prayer, raise a glass or just have a quiet moment this season.

We should remember that Christmas as an adult will never be as magical as when we were kids and we watched ‘proper’ Disney films on TV, but that’s ok.

We should remember to look after our bodies as well, because happiness isn't found at the bottom of a bottle, nor in the middle of a Christmas pud. Those health related dementia risk factors don’t take a break for Christmas, so take it easy.

But most of all we should remember, while we can, that we can remember. Memory is a blessing and a curse, but losing that memory is only a curse, so let's cherish our memory while we still have it.